Disclosure

A Brave Woman Tells Her Story

If you are a regular reader of my Substack, you know that I’ve been writing candidly about some tragic events happening in the denomination that I am a part of. I’ve written a few times about the abuse that occurred at the Duluth Vineyard, both clergy abuse and sexual abuse. My posts have explored documents that have been produced by investigations into the abuse, firsthand reports of individuals directly involved in the situation and the email exchanges that have been made available online between Vineyard USA and Duluth Vineyard.

I feel a responsibility to let regular readers of my Substack know that Vineyard USA has posted via email and on their site an accusation that my posts have been the cause of the spread of misinformation.

To find this statement on their site, you need to be granted access HERE.

I feel, in the interest of full disclosure, that I let readers know this and point you to where you can find more information and see for yourselves if there is reasonable evidence that the accusation Vineyard USA has made against me has merit.

If you’re into the enneagram, I’m a five. Fives are called, “The Investigator.” I’ve written here before about how challenging it is for me to read reports and listen to sermons or lectures without my normal filters of reason, data and detail. My Life Languages profile has me scoring painfully high as a “Contemplator.” I look into things, I ask questions, I think about things. A lot. Maybe even obsessively. If someone tells me specifically what I got wrong, I can’t stop thinking about it until I’ve been able to say or write the correct version of the story or information. And I do make mistakes. But because my desire is for knowledge and truth, I am happy to be corrected and share the correct information. I don’t take it personally. So if you notice a specific instance in which I got it wrong, please tell me.

Looking over the material presented by Vineyard USA on their Blog, I have not been able to find something I’ve written that sounds like misinformation. Of course, it’s possible that “misinformation” like many other words, means different things to different people. So I am still going over what has been posted so far by Vineyard USA.

One of the details on the Duluth Vineyard timeline and the Official Timeline of Vineyard USA on which there is agreement, is that a student in the Heroic Leadership Institute (HLI) program – a program advertised by Vineyard USA - told her story of abuse to Vineyard leaders as early as 2019. She was attending the HLI held at the Duluth Vineyard, led by Jackson Gatlin. There were three places you could attend HLI at that time: Lewiston, Maine, Kansas City, Missouri and Duluth, Minnesota. In a post on the Vineyard USA website/Blog, dated November 6, 2017, it states: “The Heroic Leadership Institute (HLI) exists to engage and partner with young adults to train and release them into joining what God's doing in the world today. The Heroic Leadership Institute is raising a generation of risk-taking leaders whose identity is rooted in the Father’s love. They exist to serve the Vineyard movement and to create a path for the young leaders.” That sounds pretty official.

At the end of that post, young people are invited to submit their application for the 2018-2019 HLI season to their central office.

The story this brave, young woman tells is full of disturbing details about actions taken and words spoken by both Jackson Gatlin and by his mother, Brenda, not only a pastor at the Duluth Vineyard but also a Regional leader for Vineyard USA at the time and later made one of three Super Regional Leaders in the Reorganization process.

The investigation into the Gatlins after Jackson’s arrest, turned up the original email complaint by this young woman. The HLI complaint did not get investigated for the Guidepost report. It did get investigated by GRACE (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment) and you can read those details in pages 23-38 in the GRACE report HERE. (Trigger warning for survivors of abuse.)

The report states:

After returning home and telling her parents what had occurred during HLI, her parents reached out in January 2019 to an HLI national director who was coaching Jackson and another leader. ****** sent an email to the national director on June 24, 2019, with her 56-page statement of her experiences. She wrote in part, “I am extremely concerned about future HLI students and my goal in talking about my experience is to make sure that the experience I had does not happen to anyone else.” She also requested a refund for her HLI tuition. According to *******, nothing changed after that exchange. She did not receive any contact from the Gatlins.

Former National HLI Leader stated in her email to Associate Pastor 1 that she did forward this email with the attachment of ******’s statement. Former National HLI Leader recalled, “I received an email from Brenda on 6/27/19 stating she looked forward to hearing from them and would likely send her tuition back.” ****** did receive her tuition back, according to the council, but no questions were asked about why ****** left the program. One council member recalled knowing some of *****’s complaints, and spoke to Jackson about it. “And his response was that their interview process hadn't worked real well and ***** wasn't actually ready for HLI kind of thing if I remember. That's kind of the way he had put it.” The council member agreed that there was some amount of trust in Jackson and that there wasn’t follow-up with ***** as to why she had left. He said, “I guess in hindsight, it’s easy to see. That we should have followed up with her.”

After reaching out for help first with Brenda, then with External Vineyard Pastor a Former National HLI Leader, ***** said, “So that was honestly the last place we left it at.”

After Vineyard USA released their “Official Timeline” on January 28, 2025 as part of their Blog post HERE the HLI reporting victim and her parents read the official entry that was posted about them and their experience with reporting on Jackson and Brenda and HLI and their experience with Vineyard USA leaders. They were shocked and hurt by what they read there. For them, and this is common among victims of abuse in the church, the way the institution (in this case Vineyard USA) responded compounded the hurt and trauma of their abuse experience. Originally, the HLI reporting victim emailed Robb Morgan, asking for information to be changed on the “Official Timeline” to represent more accurately the experience the HLI reporter and her parents felt they have had with Vineyard USA leaders and their response. Later, she felt uneasy and she decided rather than continue a back and forth with Vineyard USA, she would ask the Duluth Vineyard to include the story of her experience with Vineyard USA in her own words on their timeline for the sake of transparency and accountability. She also emailed her story to me and confirmed she was ready to speak publicly about this and asked if it would be ok for me to publish this on her behalf.

I think she is very brave and I am sharing her own words here for you to see her courage and the pain that the actions and inaction of people with power, people in leadership have on reporting victims when our focus is anywhere else but them.

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This is the first time that I have publicly spoken on the abuse and the response to that abuse which has happened within the Vineyard. Recently, a greater amount of information on the Duluth Vineyard timeline and elsewhere has been made public. This information sparked Vineyard USA to comment that what has been made known is misinformation, that certain information is lacking, and that a false narrative has taken place. Out of this, Vineyard USA produced their own timeline.

I have seen the divided comments online with some praising Vineyard USA for their actions, while others stand in support of the Duluth Vineyard. It is what I do not see that is lacking. Where is the opinion of those who experienced the abuse and who have firsthand witnessed the response to that abuse? Are these not the very people we should be asking before deciding whether or not a good response has occurred? I believe that if we asked those directly affected, we would get a clear picture of what is truly happening below the surface.

I am one of those people who was abused and who has experienced the response firsthand. I attended the Heroic Leadership Institute (HLI) at the Duluth Vineyard when I was nineteen years old. Although it was a nine month program, I stayed for only three months. Shortly after the abuse occurred, I wrote a 56 page letter to try to get my concerns addressed. After going to several leaders within the Vineyard who did not address the abuse, I became discouraged and did not contact anyone further. I am labeled as the “HLI Complaint” on the Duluth timeline.

Years later, to my amazement I heard that a GRACE investigation was taking place at the Duluth Vineyard. I was contacted by GRACE when they discovered my 56 page letter in the Gatlin’s emails. At first, I felt hopeful. I thought that this was a second chance for the church to respond and that I would feel heard, supported, defended, and cared for. This feeling began to slip away as I experienced a great deal of silence from both the Duluth Vineyard and Vineyard USA. It was an extremely difficult experience. It was odd to feel that I was observing the investigation from the outside when it was something that had directly involved me in the first place.

Out of this, I sent a letter to the Duluth Special Committee and the Vineyard National Director, Jay Pathak on November 7, 2023. (This letter and the responses will be attached with my Revisions / Feedback document that I will talk about later.) In this letter, I brought up several questions and concerns. I felt that I needed to honestly share what my experience had been like so that others in the future would not feel the same way that I did. Two hours after sending this letter, I received an email from Jay Pathak. My concerns and questions were not addressed and I felt very disheartened at the response. After taking some time to reply, the Duluth Vineyard Special Committee sent me a lengthy and thoughtful letter where they addressed my concerns and sincerely apologized. Not only did it feel genuine, but they also backed it up with action.

They had someone immediately reach out to contact me and offer support. On top of this, since that letter, one of the Duluth Vineyard pastors has provided me with updates, asked my permission to share things, prayed for me, and has even asked for my thoughts and perspective on things which continually blows me away. In the document of the Revisions / Feedback that I will again talk on later, I wrote:

“In a place that I never thought I would feel supported, I have actually experienced the greatest support. And not only that, but because of how they have responded, I feel that I matter. I say all of this because for those that have been abused, this is life changing to feel defended, cared for, and that your thoughts and feelings matter.”

That support was and continues to be life changing. It is a beautiful example of how someone should respond. I know that the Duluth Vineyard has made a lot of mistakes. The thing that matters most to me is, how does someone respond to those mistakes? Will those involved take personal responsibility? Will they tell the truth and take actions even at a cost to themselves? Will they genuinely endeavor to make things right? It has upset me to see the Duluth Vineyard and others be wrongfully labeled by Vineyard USA as spreading misinformation. I have talked about the support and sincerity that I have experienced from the Duluth Vineyard and I would like to honestly share a little bit of what I have experienced with Vineyard USA. Myself as well as members of my family have tried to directly address our concerns with Vineyard USA. Along with the November 7, 2023 letter I sent to the Vineyard National Director, Jay Pathak, my parents also sent a detailed letter of concern directly to the Vineyard USA trustees as their role is to hold Vineyard USA accountable (this letter will also be in the document.) Instead of directly responding to my parents, the trustees instead gave it to the managing director to respond. In this letter, as well as the response to another email that my parents sent to Jay Pathak regarding the Gatlins and church discipline, our concerns were not sufficiently addressed, there was no accountability, and many of the answers that we received were either completely untrue or were “half truths”. It has been extremely hard for me to hear Vineyard USA repeatedly say publicly that they are supporting the victims, when in fact, I have not felt supported. Not only that, but I have already told this to Vineyard USA, but there has been no change. It is also concerning to me that whenever Vineyard USA apologizes, it is an apology that the correct systems were not in place, that the abuse happened, or for how victims feel rather than taking responsibility for what they did and their part in it. We do not need systems in place to have moral and spiritual responsibility. We do not need a system in place to do what is right.

What I have also become aware of that is disturbing to me are the stories that I have heard from others who were abused within the Vineyard outside of the abuse that happened in Duluth. Not only was the abuse sickening and horrible, but Vineyard USA’s response was just as damaging.

Abuse has been covered up, leaders involved in the abuse have been promoted, victims have been lied to, mistreated, and even worse, silenced when trying to speak up. To be honest, this is not an easy thing to write, but it has come to a point for me that the severity of what is going on needs to be brought into the light. Myself and others have tried to address concerns with those involved. Trying to address things privately has not worked. I have felt for a while now that the broader church needs to be aware of what is going on so that hopefully people can push for change. There needs to be accountability and things need to change, otherwise this will be allowed to continue and more people will suffer. There are victims who no longer want anything to do with Jesus and not because of the abuse, although horrific, but because of the response by the church to that abuse. This is devastating and serious. It needs to impact how we respond.

When I was in HLI, my relationship with Jesus was affected. Suddenly I became afraid of Jesus and I viewed him in a false way, a way that I never had before HLI. This was due to the lies I was being told as well as the abuse that I was experiencing. I remember having a very profound moment during HLI. It was not long before I chose to leave HLI. In fact, I was in the process of deciding whether or not to leave. I was traveling with my host family to visit with their family for Thanksgiving because it was too expensive for me to fly home to be with my own family. I remember I was in the car and we were leaving Duluth. Suddenly, this vivid thought came to my mind. “HLI Jesus is not coming.” After this thought, I had this strong feeling that Jesus, the Jesus that I have always known, was coming with me and that he was loudly declaring that he is NOT “HLI Jesus”.

As I was writing this letter, I had that memory come to mind. I have seen how devastating it is when Jesus is falsely displayed. In responding to the abuse, the church represents Jesus. We are to reflect his character. That is not something to be taken lightly. Although we are human and we make mistakes, it is worth noting that to continually choose to walk in a way that is not of Jesus is entirely different. To be completely honest, it has made me angry to see Jesus so misrepresented in the response that Vineyard USA has had to this abuse. I say this bluntly because it is a serious matter.

This past year, I have prayed and thought about what to do. I would always feel this strong urge to do something, but struggled with the fear that I would do the wrong thing and the fear of what people would say. It is why it has taken me so long to publicly say anything, but about two weeks ago, something in me changed and I felt ready.

On Monday January 27, (the Vineyard USA timeline was scheduled to be released by Wednesday January 29) Vineyard USA emailed and asked myself and my parents if we would like to see a preview of the timeline regarding what was included about us. We said yes, that we would like a preview. By Monday night, we still had not received the preview and we thought that maybe it would come first thing Tuesday morning. When it still did not come by early Tuesday afternoon, we emailed back and asked when it would come. We were told that parties were still involved in reviewing the information and it would be sent later. We thought it was strange that we were not included in the parties reviewing the information. We were concerned because we felt that we would have very little time to view the information and get back with Vineyard USA regarding our feedback and anything that was not factually accurate.

When we saw the preview later in the afternoon, the timeline had already gone live on Vineyard USA’s website. I was mortified to read that what was said about myself and my family was misleading, important information was left out, and there was also information that was not factual. I felt greatly upset that we had been promised a preview and were not. I was even more sick that people would read information about me that was not true.

This sparked a strong feeling in me to do something. To clarify, it is not that I had never felt strongly to do something before, but this time was different. It is a hard feeling to explain, but this time I felt READY. I was tired of hearing a false story from Vineyard USA of what was happening. What happened with the preview was a “last straw” moment for me so to speak. After sending an email to Vineyard USA about the preview, I was offered to provide my own revisions to send to them. I created a document (the one that I have been mentioning before that contains the emails, letters, texts, etc. The emails exchanged with Vineyard USA regarding what happened with the preview are also in this document.) For the next several days after the timeline went live, I worked on creating the document with my revisions / feedback. I did not say anything publicly about the preview or the revisions because I felt that I should go through the “proper channels” so to speak because Vineyard USA was offering to take my revisions and adjust the timeline.

I finished my revisions / feedback and sent them to Vineyard USA. Upon receiving an email back, there was a sentence that stood out to me while I was reading it. I felt these “alarm bells” go off in my head. The sentence was, “The attachment and email articulate your desire to add them, but can you please confirm in reply to this email?”

I suddenly felt that I should not confirm anything in email. That night and into the next morning, I had this bad feeling that was too strong to ignore. I felt that something was not right, but I did not know why I had this feeling or what it meant. As I prayed about it, I just felt that maybe there was a different option. Suddenly what I had previously thought changed. I no longer felt good about having my information on the Vineyard USA timeline and was feeling concerned about how my revisions would be put out. I took a week to spend time thinking, praying, and talking to those I trust. This letter is what has come out of that. This was not an easy decision and I have struggled with talking publicly, but in the end this is what I feel at peace with, what I feel is necessary, and what I feel I need to do.

As one of the people who was abused, I want people to know the truth of what is going on under the surface. I urgently feel that I need to help bring awareness to what is going on. If people do not know what is happening, how can they call for change? I choose to publicly speak up because it is important. I hope to stand up for others who have been abused and help give them a voice. I speak up because I want to see the church be a safe place and most importantly, I want who Jesus truly is to be known.

Thank you for taking the time to read what I have written. There is a quote from the movie “National Treasure” that says, “If there’s something wrong, those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action.” This is something that endeavored me to take action. I ask that if you are reading this, will you please join me in calling for accountability and change?

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You can read about the revisions she was requesting and why she was requesting them HERE.

Vineyard USA has criticized me for not going to them for the official story. The truth is, I have repeatedly reached out to them about my concerns about what happened with the Gatlins and how things have been handled since February, 2023. I can share the emails with anyone who is interested in reading them. But for now, let’s look at the Vineyard USA “official timeline” and links provided there by Vineyard USA.

Here’s an example of what I have found challenging about the “Official Timeline” as presented by Vineyard USA.

In the official VUSA timeline, unless it has been changed, it says on March 12, 2024 “Vineyard USA was in active discussion and planning to require the Gatlins to be removed from fellowship at the Mile High Vineyard (Arvada) and attend a non-Vineyard church aware of the Church Discipline plan.” But the pdf email Vineyard USA posted from John Elmer, dated March 14, 2024 (two days AFTER the 12^th) seems to tell a different story: “We would also like to put on the table a consideration that we have yet to fully discuss. With all that the MHV staff is managing, I would like to ask you to be open to attending a non-Vineyard church. The current strain on the MHV system, size of the other MHV churches, scrutiny of the Arvada campus and enmeshed relational dynamics make it challenging for everyone. As a way to care for you, we would ask that you be open to attending a non-Vineyard church in the area for this season. With the many connections in the city, we would refer you to places you could receive ministry and not have the added pressures noted above. The leaders at MHV could then be more free to interact as friends, free from the roles they play at the church. We would ask that you prayerfully hold this before the Lord as we move forward.”

I hope you can recognize the difference between the statement about what was happening on March 12, about “requiring the Gatlins” and what was actively communicated by John Elmer to the Gatlins two days later on March 14, which sound not only like an item still under discussion but a request, not a requirement. The context is also clearly an appeal to the Gatlins to “help a brother out” and take some pressure off MHV staff and how it might appear (“scrutiny”) to others. This is not an exercise of church discipline; this isn’t about supporting the crisis at the Duluth Vineyard, this is a request to two people credibly accused of clergy abuse to think about helping a local church out. John’s email sounds to me like after all that has come out, one year later, the Gatlins are being shown special treatment. One of these communications is not like the other. And it is this kind of doublespeak that has made asking for clarity from Vineyard USA very challenging. It has constantly felt to me like questions are being managed and information is being shaped rather than answers being given in a clear and transparent manner.

This is what the HLI reporter has experienced herself.

I join with her in asking you, if you are reading this, will you please join me in calling for accountability and change? We’re not trying to burn down the house, we’re trying to put out the fire.